Friday, August 20, 2010

Believe and Trust ... and the power of prayer

Yesterday at around 3 pm as I was sitting in my office on the 28th floor of my office in downtown Minneapolis, I got a call from my doctor. I had left her a message the day before to confirm that she would have the pathology reports in time for our visit on Friday morning. All I remember her saying was "I have great news for you! The pathology report came back and it's benign ..." She went on to say more but to be honest I stopped listening. My body felt this surge of emotions and tears started to fall. I just remember hearing the words "high risk" and her asking me that we should still meet with the surgeon after our visit with her. I said 'ok'.

I immediately picked up the phone to call my partner Mary who had just texted me to ask if I had heard from my doctor. "Dr. Ghosh called. Benign. It's benign!!" We cried. I don't think either of us realized the weight of worry we had been carrying. I then texted my friend Michele with the words 'BENIGN!' who then responded with how she was crying with tears of joy. Michele and I met for the first time in Bimini on our swimming with the wild dolphins (WildQuest) trip, yet we feel like we've known each other a life time ... who knows, maybe in a past life! A connection formed on that trip and a new friendship is blossoming. Amlas (one of the founders of WildQuest) told us that deep, life long friendships often develop as a result of the shared experience of connecting with wild dolphins. As I went through this week, Michele kept telling me to Believe and Trust. I believe there is no such thing as a coincidence. People come into our lives for a reason. Maybe Michele has come into my life so that she can mirror for me all she has known about me which is pure joy, life, and the bliss she witnessed while I was in Bimini with the dolphins. During this tough week she was a reminder for me to return to the calm and the joy of the experience of swimming with the dolphins. She would tell me how alive I looked when I was in Bimini, and that all she could feel energetically from me thousands of miles away was that I was alive!

Both Michele and Mary kept reminding me over and over again to remember how I felt when I was in the warm waters swimming with the dolphins. And I would ... and my body would feel so alive. I remember being touched by the dolphins. I remember the feel of their rubbery skin against my left shoulder and arm in what is a rare physical connection with wild dolphins. I remember our eyes connecting. I remember them swimming towards me. I remember how one dolphin intentionally turned around and swam back towards me. I remember being touched by their sonar, their energy and their vibration. I remember their healing, playful energy.
The last photo of me with Papa
and my favorite photo!

And this entire week I have felt the love and support of my partner and so many friends and family. I have even had kind strangers post comments on my blog to let me know they are thinking of me. I have received emails from friends I haven't heard from in a long time. This week I have felt lifted and supported by an energy and force I can't explain ... I have always loved the poem "Footprints in the Sand". I believe that God has carried me at times when I felt like I couldn't carry on. Sometimes I feel it's God holding me up; sometimes it's my father; and sometimes it's the angels they've sent down for me ... if I could change the incredible photo above (which was taken by Atmo of WildQuest) it would be that alongside the set of footprints there would be dog paw prints ...

My dog Ahnung is one of the angels I believe God and my father have sent down from heaven to help me in my healing. The first doggie angel was my beloved black cocker spaniel Splat. They have helped me reach the little girl who has been so wounded and who is now screaming to be heard. In a writing class I was taking at The Loft Literary Center I received feedback from my classmates on a piece I wrote and shared ... it was a piece about the healing from the sexual abuse and how Ahnung and Splat have helped me in my healing. She said something that I now finally get ... "I loved your piece. But I wanted to see more of you, of the little girl, and I wanted the little girl to step out in front and to not hide behind her dogs."
With my dog Ahnung, my north star

It's time for me to let that little girl out. It's time for me to reassure that little girl that I will be there with her no matter what and that it's okay to have whatever feelings and emotions. It's time for me step out in front. It's time to stop hiding her and to give her a voice.

I am just beginning to truly grasp the power and impact of old emotional hurts and how they can manifest in our body as disease. Healing ... there is no separation of you and me; there is no separation of mind, body, spirit and emotion;

If there's one thing the dolphins taught me so well ... is that I need to keep on playing! My astrologer told me "You have to learn to play to save your life." I told her how it has always been my dream to go swim with wild dolphins. "Then you must go swim with wild dolphins," and Pat looked directly into my eyes and said once more "You'd better play to save your life!"

I defy you Leo for what you took from me when I was a young girl. From this point forward I am going to reclaim what is rightfully mine and in the process restore my vibrant health.

I know there is so much more for me to learn ... but what I know right now is that I am alive, I am more than healthy, I am beyond grateful and happy, I am feeling better than I have felt in a year and a half, I am training for the San Francisco half marathon, and I am feeling my heart opening up more and more ...


  1. This is such astounding news! I'm so glad to hear that it was benign. Positive energy and thinking does a world of good, in ways I'm sure we don't always understand =)

    What an amazing blog post. I have to say, I think so much of what attracts me to your blog is the mutual desire to see the better in our lives. Recently, albeit under much different circumstances, I've been experiencing a lot of the same desires and experiences, and I continue to feel the need to explore all of the great things in my life that I've neglected. I've also been forced to face personal fears and doubts, and to try to keep cool through all of it, and it's so comforting to read that other people are on similar journeys.

    All the best wishes, I'll be here reading. So happy to hear all of your amazing news. I know that we've never met, but you seem like such a strong person, it radiates in your writing. Thank you for sharing your story =)


  2. Thank you Joe for your kind words. Thank you for reaching out to me on my blog, for joining me on my journey, for sharing pieces of yourself. I too will be following your blog. You mention that even though we've never met that you feel like my strength radiates in my writing. Namaste Joe (the spirit/light in me sees the spirit/light in you). As you go through some tough times know that some 'kind stranger' sees the light in you. All of us have that beacon of light at our core. We just need to clear the fog that's around it to let it shine through :)