And now, 45 years later, the memories that remain with me are of his calm, loving, gentle, quiet and kind spirit. He was my rock, my pillar, my strength. I tell myself that everything in life happens for a reason. Maybe it's just my way to come to peace with things I have absolutely no control over; my way to accept circumstances and situations that hurt and shred my heart to pieces; my way of learning to walk on ground that never feels solid, and to move in a world where the only thing I know I can count on, is uncertainty and change. I closed my heart at a very young age, and I looked everywhere to try to fill the emptiness in my heart ... striving for perfection, alcohol, sports. We never talked about the loss of Papa. The messages I heard as a child were emotions weren't okay and that 'the sign of an educated person is self control.' And so I held everything in, and at the young age of 9, was also the victim of
|Legacy and Ahnung - Photo by Sarah Beth Photography|
I don't know when my time will come to join them. Some day, I know I will be joining Papa, and Ahnung, but until then, I will continue to do all I can to quiet my spirit and my soul, so I can listen ... and so I can be guided by their spirits. Until then, please continue to guide me in the work I am doing ...
I miss you Papa. I miss you Ahnung.
|Ishkode (means 'fire' in ojibwe - October, 2013)|