Saturday, April 5, 2014

A new Way .... The Ahnung Way

I had just arrived in Walker, MN last October 10,  2013. It was my first trip back to Leech Lake without Ahnung; it was my first Leech Lake Legacy spay/neuter clinic without Ahnung. I had Legacy with me and before continuing on to the Tribal Police headquarters to meet up with the other volunteers who were setting up for the clinic, I decided to check into our room at the Country Inn. It was a beautiful fall day and leaves were a flaming orange. My heart felt this huge hole … this emptiness, this void, and this piercing pain in my heart as if a hand had reached through my chest, pried open my rib cage and grabbed the already broken fragments of my heart. With Legacy by my side we walked towards Leech Lake. I promised Ahnung I wouldn’t run from the pain; I promised her I would walk with her, stand by her on our Final Walk together, no matter how long or how short it was; I promised her I would cherish every moment, and when it was time to set her spirit free, I promised to hold her and be there with her.

She promised me she would always be with me; she promised me she would guide me; she promised me she would always be in my heart … I would simply have to learn to listen, and to be with her, in a new way.

The pain in my heart was fierce; it was unrelenting; it was breaking me. But Ahnung gave me the gift of knowing our time was limited; she gave me the gift of knowing that the path we were to walk together on earth was limited, and that we would approach a bridge soon … a bridge where she would have to cross over, and I would have to stay behind, for now. In 2011, we were both diagnosed with a ‘terminal’ illness … I learned Ahnung had cancer and that I had a rare heart disease that would lead to heart failure. Interestingly, this awareness came within a couple months of Leech Lake Legacy coming to be. We chose to continue the work of Leech Lake Legacy. Somehow, I just knew it was work we needed to do.

So that fall day on October 10, 2013 I walked along Leech Lake with Legacy. I promised Ahnung to walk toward the grief and the pain, and not around it like I used to. But so much of me wanted to run and to escape the pain. A part of me wanted to numb the pain, but I could feel Ahnung’s calm and wise presence next to me .. and with her spirit inside of me, I put one foot in front of another, and I kept walking. With Legacy by my side ... we experienced what I share below, from my blog post on October 16, 2013 ( …

We continued walking ... as the trees opened up and we could catch a full view of Leech Lake up above us I saw what appeared to be a large bird flying towards us. At first I couldn't tell what kind of bird it was. It flew closer and closer to us. In moments, the bald eagle swooped down and hovered right above us. There was a momentary pause, and in that instance all I could feel and sense was Ahnung. 'I'm here." And the eagle flew away. There was no beginning or end, or life or death in that moment. We were One. I said outloud, 'miigwech (thank you) Ahnung' ... and my heart was filled with her spirit and I knew I was exactly where I needed to be ... continuing the work at Leech Lake Reservation.

And then Ahnung appeared in my dreams about a month ago. She gift me with a vision …

a circle with with people of all colors, races, ages .. of animals, of trees, of rocks .. and at the center was a fire and flame that reached up into the skies; and with us were stars, a squirrel, an eagle and a turtle. And I could hear drums. It was as if I could hear the heart of the earth beating. I could hear Ahnung's heart. I could hear my heart, everyone's heart. We were one heart .. and then I woke up"

The eagle appeared again. Ahnung is choosing an eagle to communicate with me. She has also guided me to Ishkode (means ‘fire’ in ojibwe). She has gifted me with the most beautiful vision. She is guiding me and she is asking me to walk a new path now … The Ahnung Way.

Teach me to remain rooted and grounded, while soaring like an eagle. Teach me to slow down, to watch, to listen, to observe, to be patient, to live in the moment and to know when to let go.

Teach me the wisdom of your way.

Teach me the wisdom of The Ahnung Way.

Legacy and Ahnung - Grand Marais