Sunday, August 17, 2008

Stepping through another doorway

There is no doubt my life took a turn back in September of '06 when we lost our beloved Shen to cancer, and I found Pet Haven. Since that time, there have been many more turns and many more doors open up. Every doorway I have stepped through has changed me in some way.

Meeting Ode (click here to read my original post on Ode; the Pet Haven blog has many more updates on this brave spirit) has shifted something deep inside of me. It has led me to Jessie of Stray Dog Arts who has painted this incredible portrait of Ode that speaks so deeply to me and has touched a part of soul i didn't know was even there. There's yet another door i know i must walk through as Ode leads me to the core of my being and inspires me to be brave, and take action on behalf of abused, neglected and abandoned animals. And as she inspires me to be compassionate and forgiving to those who are suffering even more.

This shift, this door, what is yet to be when I walk through this doorway is exciting and scary for me. William Stafford in his poem "It's Like this" expresses so well what is in my heart:

It's like this - time opens
a door here. You find yourselves alone. That's when
in this big room that sound begins again.
To get away you have to come here and hide
as if you belong here, looking casually away.
You see, it's that sound. It starts almost like silence,
then an excited repressed voice. Then
louder, faster. You have to look around,
get away, get out of here. You can't
bear to listen for long, it's too intense.
But you have to find if it still goes on,
after these years. You see, there is something
beyond music. If you get there, you look around
quickly before the air breaks up into those
pieces of glass, the hail with claws in it.
People who find that sound shake from sympathy,
and what they held off for long can leap upon them
and put the ultimate blade into their hearts,
you see, and then twist, like this.

There's calmness and turmoil inside of me at the same time. I know i must trust and walk through the cloud of emotions - in focus, out of focus. Ode is leading me somewhere, just as Shen led me somewhere. To trust. To believe. To be brave.

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