Where is God?

Sunset in Marco Island, 2008.

This morning I woke up to an email from a friend I met from a recent trip to Bimini where I had the opportunity to swim with wild dolphins. It was a trip that touched the deepest part of my soul and I share more on a previous blog posting. My friend is a pastor in New England and I found myself sharing with him my worries and my fears regarding this growing lump in my breast and asking for his prayers. This morning he posed some questions for me to consider, "Where is God in all you are going through? Spiritually, what does your spirit desire from God's spirit? What I hear is that you desire the peace and joy of Bimini. What is blocking that peace and joy? What would it take for you to trust God?"


So this morning I journaled about it. I pondered his questions. And yes, I do desire the peace and joy that I felt when I was in Bimini this past July as I swam in the open waters with wild, free dolphins and I was surrounded by loving people and a very supportive community. I was able to let go of my fear and of my worries. Joy, bliss, playfulness are words that come to mind when I return to the moments of swimming with the wild dolphins. This morning, the word God and the Divine also come to me. I felt God's presence and spirit in me through the spirits of the dolphins. When the dolphins touched me I felt them take all worry and fear away from me. I felt an acceptance for whatever was meant to be and I was okay with it. Even death didn't scare me.

So where is God when I wake up at 3 am in the morning filled with worry and fear? Where is God when my mind races around in circles imagining all the possibilities of what feels like a raging, angry lump in my breast? Where is God when Chris died on Friday from breast cancer ... a woman whose blog I have followed and whose writing and positive approach to living in the moment has inspired me?

I became aware of the beautiful words of Rilke this morning through the Krista Tippet show, Being. As I read this poem, I started to cry. The answer to my friend's question about, 'Where is God?', came to me. God is with me. God is always with me. He is with me and around me and comes to me in the spirits of beings whom He knows can touch my soul ... in wild dolphins, dogs, my partner, friends ... and even this growing lump in my breast. I simply need to give Him my hand ... I need to embody God.

Connecting with a wild dolphin in Bimini, Bahamas (July, 2010).
Photo by Atmo of WildQuest.

God speaks to each of us as he makes us,

then walks with us silently out of the night.

These are the words we dimly hear:

You, sent out beyond your recall,

go to the limits of your longing.

Embody me.

Flare up like flame

and make big shadows I can move in.

Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.

Just keep going. No feeling is final.

Don’t let yourself lose me.

Nearby is the country they call life.

You will know it by its seriousness.

Give me your hand.

—Rilke’s Book of Hours, I, 59