Monday, August 5, 2013

Lessons from a wise spirit ...

Ahnung - Duluth (Aug. 4, 2013)
Yesterday I took a road trip to Duluth with my precious Ahnung and spent the evening walking along Lake Superior and hanging out at Canal Park ... people watching, bird watching, soaking in the silence of the water amidst the conversations ... "What kind of dog is she?", "She's a beautiful dog" ... "Can I pet your dog?" Ahnung sat calmly next to me ... intent, watchful, observant, listening.

My life has been crazy busy lately ... but through it all I have had my soul mate, my inspiration, my heart with me. It's been over 8 months since Ahnung's cancer has metastasized to her lungs. Last week we went in for her 2 month check up at Lake Harriet Vet. And like her last 2 month check at the end of May, we got the best news ever ... her blood work came back completely normal and her lungs and heart all sound perfect! Despite all the tumors in  her lungs (at least that's what her last chest x-ray in March showed) my sweet girl shows no signs of trouble breathing and her lungs sound great! She has been full of spirit and life. Every day I catch her tearing around the backyard with her brother Legacy. I joke that she apparently missed the memo that says she has Cancer, Spondylosis and 2 luxating patella. She is without a doubt, my miracle girl.

On most days I'm able to focus on today and on the moment. At the end of last year, I accepted the fact that my time was limited with Ahnung. I accepted the fact that we would walk and enjoy our Final Walk together ... and I would listen to my wise girl and I would let her tell me when it was time. I admit, I never dreamed she would still be with me 8 months later ... there's a part of me that feels torn between desperately trying to stay in the moment and the other part of me being ripped to pieces at the thought of losing her. And then I watch her and I remind myself how much she teaches me on a daily basis .... she takes time every morning to lay by the healing river rocks; she plays hard with her brother; she takes time outs and breaks whenever she needs to; she is patient ... she is resilient ... she lives in the moment.
Aerial Lift Bridge - Duluth

So yesterday, as we spent the evening walking and just being together, I realized she will always be with me. We sat and watched the Aerial Lift Bridge rise to let the boats through ... we watched the birds dance above us and then land and perch on light posts ... and together we took in deep breaths and the air she would let out, I prayed it was Cancer leaving her body ... i pray every day that she will let me take the illness and disease that's inside of her, yet I know the exact opposite is happening -- she is taking illness and disease from inside of me and absorbing it into her precious body. And I know that is what Love is ..... and the bond I share with Ahnung is one I will never be able to put it into words. And because I am human and I am not as wise as my sweet girl, I struggle at times to truly stay in the moment. And what pierces my heart is the reality that these precious, magical moments with her will some day be precious, magical memories. There will come a day when she won't be looking out on Lake Superior with me, she won't be wagging her tail for treats, she won't be calmly laying by my side .... and all I can do right now is pray that that day is still a LONG ways away. Dear sweet Ahnung, help me to stay in the moment; help me to focus on today and on what we have right here, right now; help me to cherish and create the many more memories I will have from the countless moments we are blessed to share ...

In two days, I will be celebrating my birthday. The greatest gift I could ever receive is having Ahnung with me on my birthday. At the end of the last year, I didn't think I would have her with me ... we are 2 days away from my 49th birthday, and with how great she is doing, odds are pretty darn good she will be with me. I think she wants me to get a cake for my birthday so she can have a small piece of it like she did at her last Celebration of Life party :)

Ahnung is my star ... she is my north star, my constant, my rock, my soul ...

What a gift it is to watch her sprinkle her magic with so many people and animals who come into her circle. With every passing day, it seems her circle grows and grows and she touches the hearts of so many more people. I don't think it's possible for our bond to get any deeper than what it already is ... and yet, every day, it does just that :)

Sprinkle your magic, sweet girl ... and continue to touch the hearts and souls of living beings who need a little of your magical dust :)

1 comment:

  1. Dear Marilou

    Happy Belated 49th Birthday!

    Wishing you more birthdays in the years ahead.

    Best Wishes,