Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Celebrating 20 years

Twenty years ago today, i made a decision to give up drinking. It was my second time to do so ... a relapse of a two year period where I had convinced myself i could handle the occasional drink and be a social drinker like some people i saw at restaurants who could leave a glass of wine half finished! Who in their right mind would leave a drink unfinished??!! Hmmm ... could be why i'm a recovering alcoholic?? :)

In September of 1988 I welcomed into my life a tiny, 6 week old black cocker spaniel whom I named Splat (after a racquetball shot ... i was playing competitive racquetball at that time). She was the runt of the litter and when she crawled into my lap, curled up and went to sleep, i just knew she was meant to be with me. What I didn't know was that she was going to help me heal on more levels than I could imagine. What I didn't know was that she was going to lead me down a path of healing - giving me the strength, courage and reason to get my life together. On October 1st, 1988 I walked back into an AA meeting, acknowledged I was an alcoholic and pledged to take care of my sweet, helpless little Splat.

For a long time it was a struggle. For a long time i was filled with shame and with a sense of "i'm weak." Years later, I came to the realization that I was grateful to be a recovering alcoholic, and grateful to have the courage and strength to look into the eyes of the lion i had been running from. Today I am friends with that lion, and as I venture into new and unexplored territories, I am filled with gratitude because I can feel everything (joy and sadness, hope and heartbreak), and i no longer have to hide behind the bottle and numb the pain.

As I look out into the horizon today, I see mountains - i see peaks and i see valleys. Life is a journey. Life is an adventure. And today, as I celebrate 20 years of sobriety, I feel ready to embark on the next leg of my journey. And I am ready to immerse myself in life and in loving.

Today, I have an appointment with a surgeon for an evaluation and to schedule a biopsy -- the cloud of cancer looming over the mountains. For whatever reason, I am okay with whatever the outcome is and where my journey takes me, and where my journey ends. Because today, I am surrounded by so much joy, so much love, so much beauty, and so much support.

Peace for me has come from a place of gratitude.



  1. When I woke up this morning my very first thought was of you and that today is the day we will celebrate 20 years of the path you've walked and the path you are about to walk.

    I will be carrying you in my thoughts all day.

    Namaste, didi!

  2. I'm proud of you, Babo, and grateful to be your partner in this journey. Congratulations, on so many levels.