|Ahnung - photo by Sarah Beth Photography (August, 2012)|
It's been almost 7 weeks now since you came to live with me in my guest room. There were days I wanted to throw you out .. there were days and weeks I locked you in the room, pretending like you weren't there. But you were there, and every time I opened up the door, the pain in my heart was unbearable. You reached out your hand to me and reminded me of the words you said to me as I prepared for the loss of my Ahnung:
“Ahnung is in your heart. You are One. She is in your blood. She is in your bones. She is in the Earth. She is in the Air you breath. She is the Fire inside of you. She is in the oceans, the rivers and lakes, the rocks. When she is gone, she will live on in you.”
and then just days after Ahnung's spirit left me, you said to me:
"When I visit you in waves know that I come with your Ahnung. Ride the waves with us. Open your heart … in the cracks and shattered pieces of your heart, let the light in, let the water in … you must also let the sharp edges cut you. Sink into the waves. Hold onto me, hold onto Ahnung. One day I promise you, you will ride the waves with us and I will leave you. You will learn a new dance and a new way to Be with Ahnung.”
Dear Grief ... it has been a journey, and not an easy one. I know the journey isn't over but there is a new path I must embark on. I was learning to Be with Ahnung in a new way. I was learning to feel her presence and to notice her in the earth, the rocks, the oceans, the birds, the squirrels .... and now, she has led me to a little puppy from Leech Lake Reservation who is to carry on her work ... she has led me to Ishkode ('fire' in ojibway ... ISH ko day). Ahnung is asking me to take a new path. So dear Grief, with a renewed fire in my belly, and the spirit of Ahnung in Ishkode, it is time for you to move on. I know you will return, and you will visit me. And when you do, I will welcome you with open arms, and we will sit by the fireplace and have some tea. Miigwech (thank you) Grief for teaching me to Be with you ... miigwech for teaching me to keep my heart open, so I could heal my heart.
Safe travels dear friend ....
|Ishkode - October 16, 2013|