Monday, February 15, 2010

Remaining Open

It's been a little over a week now since I returned from my trip to Bloomington, Indiana. The 24 hours I spent there were surreal. Messages and symbols were everywhere. Something was calling me back to Bloomington, Indiana to the small town where it all began and where Mama and Papa met in the 1950s. A red-tail hawk greeted me as I took the exit ramp off of highway 37 onto College Avenue (the Bloomington exit) ... as I left Bloomington the next day, 2 more hawks made their presence known to me. I can still see these 3 hawks so vividly. The number 3 keeps cropping up for me in many different ways. The hawk is symbolic of being a messenger. There's a message I am to receive. The number "613" is symbolic of something ... it's the room I was in at the Hilton Garden in Bloomington, IN ... it was also the license plate on my rental car. I researched the symbolic meaning of "613" and learned that not only is it a prime number but it is the number that the Jews themselves recognize as characteristic of their faith, since it is the Number of Commandments in the Torah. It is also the number of seeds in a pomegranate, a fruit-bearing shrub or tree. The next morning for breakfast, I reached for a tea bag. The only green tea option available (as green tea is my tea of choice in the mornings) was green tea with pomegranate. I never even knew there was such a thing. I just had been reading about pomegranate the night before and its association with the number "613". Pomegranate symbolizes unity or nourishment of the soul. It also represents immortality, resurrection, and as such is a symbol of rebirth and renewal familiar from Greek and Roman art, and may symbolize Christ's Resurrection (from Art History). There are a few painting of Madonna carrying baby Jesus and holding a pomegranate. Pomegranates have a long history in symbolism, religious decoration, and mythology. I find myself being drawn to learn more about pomegranates ... its meaning, its symbolism. Would I have even noticed that the only green tea option was the one with pomegranate if the day before the number 613 cropped up twice ... speaking to me, and beckoning me to research and understand it more?

And the number "3" ... there's a strong spiritual symbolic meaning in 3. It has appeared in my dreams along with this man with white hair ... a recurring dream i've had. Along with the number "3" has been the number "6". It's also the day (January 3rd) that I adopted Ahnung and on January 3, 2010 my Papa for the first time appeared in my dream. And three years ago on a return trip from Cary, NC for work meetings I sat next to a man in first class who looked like the man with white hair in my dream. He sat in 3C (I was in 3D). I fumbled looking for my car keys after we landed in Minneapolis which took me about 10 minutes. The man was long gone by the time I started walking towards the parking garage. I stood waiting for the elevator to take me up to the 6th floor on the red parking ramp of the airport. As the elevator door open, the man was standing there again. The dream I had had about him was one where the elevator was free-falling and he was there "protecting" me. The elevator stopped on the 6th floor in my dream. I got into the elevator ... this was real now, not a dream .... the elevator took me up to the 6th floor. I exited to go to my car. He did too. I turned to the left. He turned to the right. I have since had dreams about this man with white hair. He recently appeared in a dream where I dreamnt about my dear friend Elaine who died from breast cancer last April. He has since appeared two more times. My last dream where I was frantically wanting him to physically appear, a woman's voice said to me "God is always with you. He is always in your heart." And on my return flight back from Indiana to Minnesota, I was automatically upgraded to first class -- and for both legs of my flight (from Indianapolis to Detroit, then Detroit to Minneapolis) I was assigned the seat 3C.

It seems like i've been walking between multiple worlds, or so it feels that way. Is that what it's like when one opens oneself up to messages and signs that are available to all of us?

I felt a strong pull to return to Bloomington, Indiana. Was it a "coincidence" that work led me there? And for a while i've been struggling to deal with the lumps on Ahnung's ears that the doctors can't figure out its cause. The next morning after I returned I checked Ahnung's ears. The lumps are going away. Is that a "coincidence?" There's a deep connection I share with Ahnung .... as I deal with my own health issues, I can feel her trying to help me. Her lumps have been a mystery to the doctors. My health issues have also been a mystery to the doctors. Yes, I will continue to work with doctors on my own health challenges ... something inside of me is screaming to me though to simply trust in God and in to remain open to all that is around me and within me.

There are messages and signs all around us. I feel blessed to have such vivid and real dreams. More than a year before pre-cancer cells were found in my left breast I had a dream I had cancer in my left breast. On January 3rd of this year my dad appeared in my dream wanting to tell me 3 things. I am unable to recall what the first thing was. The second point was to tell me I have pancreatic cancer; and the third point was that there is some kind of bacteria spreading throughout my body. It wasn't a good or bad thing. I wasn't afraid or fearful. Maybe it's real, maybe it's symbolic of something. I don't know. And to be honest, I don't think it matters. For now, all that matters is to remain open to messages and to life. All that matters is what I am able to give today. All that matters is that I am grateful for each and every day.

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