Ahnung: Cancer update

Ahnung getting ready to head to hospice to visit her friend 'R'

We met with Ahnung's oncologist yesterday at the Blaine Bluepearl Veterinary. I am so grateful for the incredible care Ahnung is getting from her health care team both at Lake Harriet Veterinary and Bluepearl Veterinary. Her x-rays and records were sent over to Bluepearl and Dr. Husbands had reviewed her records before we even arrived. He spent an hour with us going over all of our options and giving Ahnung a thorough check :)

Without a biopsy or surgery and actually getting to the nodules in her lungs there is no way to know 100% if it is cancer. With her history, however, he said he is 90% certain that it is cancer. I opted not to go down the path of any additional invasive procedures for my sweet girl. My gut tells me it is cancer and I don't need to have her go through any additional procedures to confirm that ... after going through all the various options, and after consulting with my vet and just sitting with what feels right to give Ahnung the best chances while honoring her quality of life I decided to take a combo approach, combining eastern and western. Ahnung has started on 2 supplements: CurcuVet and a Green Tea extract. She will be starting I'm-Yunity early next week (this is a compound derived from a mushroom and has been shown to lengthen survival time in dogs with cancer: http://www.upenn.edu/pennnews/news/compound-derived-mushroom-lengthens-survival-time-dogs-cancer-penn-vet-study-finds). She will also be starting a low-dose chemotherapy treatment early next week where I have been told most dogs do not have any side effects from the treatment. It is a low dose continuous oral at home chemotherapy treatment geared towards blocking blood vessel growth of cancer cells.

Waiting to get on the elevator at hospice

Dr. Husbands was honest and upfront that there is no cure. Our goal is to shrink the tumors, or at minimum to slow the progression/growth. He indicated that a reasonable expectation for how much time a dog may have who comes in with metastasis to their lungs is 2-3 months. He went on to say, however, that there are exceptions. I know that if there is going to be an exception it will be my precious Ahnung. Unfortunately she lost another pound and now weighs 56 lbs. She has been getting even more treats and I am hoping we can stop the weight loss. Fortunately her appetite is as voracious as ever. And tonight after dinner I took my juicer out and she was ready for her dose of raw cabbage juice -- tonight I decided to add celery and a sprinkle of apple :)

Today Ahnung was her usual happy, tail-wagging, spunky self. She ran around the back yard like a crazy dog with Legacy and rolled around in the dirt :) And then we decided to visit our friend in hospice. We had a wonderful visit with our friend who was excited to see Ahnung. When he arrived he was napping so we had to knock on his door. I apologized for waking him up and he said 'I can nap anytime, but it's not every day I get a cute dog coming to visit me!" :) We sat and chatted for almost an hour while Ahnung helped lick the crumbs off of his floor and then walking over to his bedside to rest her head on his leg. I asked how he was feeling and he said he has good days and not so good days. His wife is also at the same facility and is also in hospice. He tells me, "I feel better when my wife feels better; when she doesn't feel good then I don't feel good." He goes on to tell how they met in highschool  .. how they've been married for 68 years and how she has been his only girl :) He smiles when he tells me how she would write him letters every day when he was in the military serving in Asia and then goes on to say, "My country has been good to me. They have taken good care of me." He knows I just returned from the Philippines and asks me lots of questions. And then he shares more about what he did after he left the army, his kids and how he will soon be turning 91!! ;-) As I sit and listen to him with Ahnung laying quietly by our side I feel blessed to be sharing time with him. His gratitude and positive attitude for the life he has lived and for those who are helping him today reminds me of our dear friend 'M' who told me many times, "I've had a good life."

Waiting for her friend 'R' to let her in!! :)

Today, as I spent time with our friend in hospice it touched me on an even deeper level. The time we share is not just about walking the final stage of our friend's life ... my volunteer work in hospice is now as much about walking the final stage of Ahnung's life and all of us sharing, collectively, i  learning to embrace what is to come and most importantly to live life to the fullest in the present moment ... because the present moment is all we have.

I would be lying if I said my heart doesn't hurt and feel like it's being ripped to shreds when I fast forward and think about when Ahnung won't be here with me. The truth is, I can't imagine my life without her. I am constantly telling myself to focus on the moment and to be here, to simply be here in the moment with Ahnung. She is happy today. She is full of life today. She is full of love.

I believe in the power of prayer and positive/healing energy, so please continue to keep Ahnung in your thoughts and prayers.

With heartfelt gratitude,
Marilou & Ahnung
... and her siblings Legacy, Missy and Mister too :)

Answered Prayers ... power of prayer and power of love

I have looked at this picture of my beloved companion Ahnung a million times and wondered what is she doing ... what is she thinking ... what is she experiencing?? Having survived such horrendous conditions and abuse she has taught me so much about the power of love, forgiveness, resilience ... about being in the moment, about asking for what one needs, about setting boundaries. Who would've known that I could learn so much from an angel whom God sent to me in the body of a big black dog dumped with her litter of 8 puppies at Red Lake reservation in northern Minnesota.

I have been praying a lot. I have been allowing myself to receive the love and support of so many friends and family (and even cyber friends who follow my blog and have sent notes of support) ... I have an incredible health care team consisting of both western medicine doctors and alternative therapies (energy healer, acupuncturist, therapist and holistic doctor) ... and of course, the loving support of my Pet Haven "family" and of course my dogs Ahnung, Missy and Mister. I have had friends and family email me that I am in their prayers and that they are requesting for others in their church to pray for me. I believe in the power of prayer. I believe in the power of love and how our bodies are so miraculous and have the ability to heal themselves if we provide them with supportive, nurturing and loving environment.

Last night I spoke to my doctor about the results of the pancreas tests. He told me that the CT scan shows that my pancreas looks good. When I'm not traveling for work (which will be in February) he wants me to get off of the pancreatic enzymes for 5 days then go on a high fat diet so they can measure the fat absorption. Who knows ... maybe when i'm off the enzymes I won't have the symptoms and maybe, just maybe spontaneous healing has taken place as I kick off 2011. And maybe, just maybe I will no longer need to even take pancreatic enzymes anymore! Here's to a new year kicked off with health  .... and on next Friday I close on my new home as I embark on the next stage of my life's journey. It will be with mixed emotions as I close the door on a life that has in many ways taught me so much and allowed me to grow into this next stage.

And one big lesson that Ahnung is teaching me is a reminder to have fun ... she'll be sharing more on her blog about her latest adventures and her new hobby of knitting!! :)

Ahnung - my north star

There's a heaviness in my heart ... hard as I try to not worry about my sweet girl Ahnung, I find myself filled with worry. The other day I took her to a specialist to check on the bumps on her ears. It seems like we have both been stumping our doctors with our health issues. I've been hearing the word "cancer" a lot more recently in dealing with my own issues. As I stood at the specialist's office my eyes glazed over, and I think I disappeared, as I heard the words "cancer" again.... "we need to biopsy her lumps so we can get a definitive diagnosis. It could be an auto-immune disorder or cancer." She continued to explain a lot more, but to be honest, all I could see was Ahnung, and my heart just filled with pain and a heaviness. I flashed back to the moment I was told Shen had spleen cancer, then 9 months later, when I was told Shadow had intestinal cancer. In one day Shen was taken from us. In a couple weeks Shadow was taken from us. All I could think was "Please, please don't take Ahnung from me. Not now. I need her. The kids at The Lab need her."

Ahnung means "star" in ojibway. I named her Ahnung so she would always carry with her, with pride, her roots. Maybe because I will always carry with me my roots of being Thai ... the first part of my last name "Chan" meaning "moon" in Thai. My entire last name meaning moon rays. At times of darkness, I imagine myself as the moon and Ahnung, my north star, lighting up the skies and wrapping me in her light until the sun rises again.

Tomorrow I take her in for her biopsy. It will be 7 - 10 days before I will know what is going on with her. Tomorrow I also have my appointment with my gastroenterologist to discuss next steps with my own health issues. Ahnung and I are walking parallel paths. We are connected. I know that. I feel that. I feel my Papa alongside of us. I must trust that the journey we are on is the journey we are meant to be on ... whatever that may be.

Our loved ones -those still with us and those who have left us - those two-legged and four-legged - are always with us ... all the time.

All the Time
by William Stafford

Evenings, after others go inside,
my glance quietly ascends through leaves,
through branches. The night wind sighs once
and bends over. Far beyond my glimpse of sky
those friends now gone begin their chorus.

There's a reason for whatever comes,
their song says. Released into light one star
appears, another, and those patterns affirm
where they have been waiting dissolved in blue
but holding their place inside of time.

Every evening this happens, an arch and promise
renewed. Nobody has to notice: a breath
crosses the lawn, or outside the window
a spirit roams, as mysterious as any wanderer
ever was. And it is only the night wind.

Photo of night sky borrowed from Flickr.