Marilou's reflections: Ahnung ... one year anniversary

Today, August 25, 2014 is the one year anniversary of when I held Ahnung in my arms, surrounded by a community of friends, as she transitioned into the spirit world. There are no words for the pain that surrounded that moment, and the days, weeks and months that followed. But I promised Ahnung I would be there with her when it was time to let her go, and that I would walk towards the pain, the darkness and the grief that I so desperately wanted to run from. Ahnung taught me how to live and cherish every moment. In 2011, two months after I was diagnosed with my heart condition, she was diagnosed with cancer and together we walked our Final Walk together. I imagine walking over a bridge with her. When we get to the other side of the river, Ahnung stops and tells me it's not my time. She must go on to the other side. Her work continues from the spirit world but I must return to continue the work she began. I desperately want to go with her, but in the 2 years she prepped me for this Final Walk, she taught me that she will still be with me and that I will just need to learn to be with her in a new way, and I will need to learn to listen to her voice and her messages in a new way.

Dear sweet Ahnung .... I let you go on August 25, 2013. That first night without you I thought I would die from the pain. My heart shattered into a million pieces and I wanted to be with you, to hear you snore, to hear your body thump on the hardwood floor and to watch Legacy yank on your back legs ... and watch the two of you roll around in play :) You asked me to trust you and that my journey has not ended. You are right sweet girl ... my journey has not ended. The month of August has been filled with more doors opening than I could have ever imagined. I know you are the reason these doors are opening up and why I am connecting with people I need to be connecting with at this time.

so sweet girl ... I will keep listening to you. I will keep walking with you in a new way ... and I will share the amazing wisdom of what you have taught me, and continue to teach me through The Ahnung Way. I don't know what lies in store for me ... but I what I do know is that you are right by my side, and you will continue to guide me.

In 2011, you inspired me to co-found Leech Lake Legacy. It was my dream for Leech Lake Legacy to serve as a model for what can be done to provide resources and options for managing animal overpopulation challenges on reservations across the country, and how through reservation animals we could heal ourselves and communities .... 'We Believe in the healing and transformative energy of animals to build a bridge for a kinder, gentler and more compassionate world. We Believe reservations animals challenge us, teach us and guide us to our deepest sense of Home."

I believe you led me to Diana Webster, president/founder of The Native America Humane Society. Tomorrow Diana arrives from California as we take steps to begin what I could only dream and imagine when Leech Lake Legacy began in 2011 ... to explore how Leech Lake Legacy can serve as a model for what can be done at reservations across the country. And this week, we will not only be visiting Leech Lake Reservation but on Friday we will be visiting Karen Good (your rescuer ... and the amazing woman and Red Lake elder who led me to you) at Red Lake Reservation. I have no doubt none of this is a coincidence ... I have no doubt you planned for me to return to Red Lake this week .. to return to your roots and so we could sprinkle your ashes at Red Lake Rosie's Rescue outside the cat house where you lived for a couple months in 2008, in an igloo with the other big Rez dogs (Grandpa, Hazel and others).

As Diana and I meet with tribal leaders and elders of Leech Lake, White Earth and Red Lake reservations I know you will be with us, guiding us, and opening up doors so we can continue the work you began.

Today, and this week is symbolic on so many levels.

I miss you sweet nung-nung. Thank you for all you continue to do ... for being a beacon of love, hope, healing and resilience. Miigwech for being my north star. Always in my heart.