Merry led us through an incredibly beautiful and moving healing prayer circle:
From the east, we invite the creator to be with us, to bring the light of dawn, to illuminate the places in us that need freshening and new birth. May our hearts and minds be clear and loving.
From the south, may this time and place be blessed. May we have courage and stamina. May we be renewed. May we feel gratitude and joy as we go about our ordinary lives. May we offer our gifts wholeheartedly.
From the west, may we find the help, resources, creativity, and energy we need. May we accept what needs to be accepted and let go of what needs to be let go. May we be in community, aware of our love for others and for their love for us.
North: Sweet grass
From the north, may our mind, body, and spirit find strength, love, and joy. May we see light in the darkness, joy in the sadness. May we be and may we find love, companionship, and light. May we be and may we find companions and helpers on the way. May we find rest and may we give rest. May we listen. May we listen. May we listen.
We were blessed to have a beautiful Sunday afternoon for Ahnung's 2nd Celebration of Life party. Around 50 people came to honor and celebrate Ahnung, including a couple of Ahnung's friends from facebook whom neither of us had ever met in person. One new friend drove 2 hours to meet us and he shared with us how much we had made a difference in his life from our writing and our sharing. And He also gave us a card and a letter. What a gift and what courage for our new friend to open up his heart and to share tears ... as we met for the first time, face-to-face, I realized at that moment how truly, truly powerful community is; I realized at that moment that why I wanted to have another Celebration party was because I believe with all my heart that what is keeping Ahnung going, and what is keeping me going, with our shared health issues, is the love we have from such an incredibly, loving and supportive community; I also realized that each and every one of us is connected, and we can touch each other in deep and meaningful ways through our words, our actions, our intentions ... and often we have no idea ...
I have to share with you the most beautiful paragraph from our friend's letter: "Each of you is a gift individually and together you are even more. Both of you, on so many times, have broken my heart open and always in the most holy way. You have given me the gift of your stories. You have given me the gift of grace. You have helped me to listen to my life. You have given me courage. You have helped me heal. Your words have made my heart sing. You have filled me with love. You have walked with me. You too are sputniks, fellow travelers, companions along life's journey. And it is all the more sweet for being so for so long without knowing, I think ...."
Thank you "C" for your honesty, your strength, your courage and your presence in our lives.
I have been asked many times what made me start my blog. I started my blog for myself ... to write and to help myself heal. In writing I find myself returning to center; i find myself being grounded and rooted; and often through writing I am able to touch the deepest parts of myself. As I walk this Final Walk with Ahnung I have been challenged on so many levels to find peace and acceptance in a diagnosis that has ripped my hearts to shred. It is also two years ago this month when I learned of my rare heart condition ... one that comes with so many unknowns, a lot of uncertainty and eventual heart failure ... how much time I have left, is unknown. The reality though, is we all don't know how much time we have left. What I do know is that I cherish every morning I wake up .. it is a gift to be alive and it is a gift to fall asleep to the snoring and rhythmic deep breathing of Ahnung. On Friday I go in for another MRI .. a new lump and more uncertainty. As I write this blog I hear my sweet Ahnung breathing deeply. Her breath, her presence, her being touches my soul and gives me comfort. We are okay. We are both okay.
I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but what I do know is that the life I live right now, in this moment, is the most blessed life .... and I will continue to hold on tightly to Ahnung, my north star, and we will walk this Final Walk, with a huge community around us ... and we will walk with grace, dignity and joy. As Merry shared at Sunday's Celebration ... we don't know how this story will end. And until it's time for our story to close and transition, we will live life as fully as we can.
I am so grateful for everyone who came to Ahnung's Celebration of Life party. And a huge thanks to my friend Dorothy of Three Dog Photography for taking photos at the celebration and to my dear friend Terri for planning the party and ordering the most amazing cake!!