Marilou's reflections: Prayers for my sweet Ahnung

Ahnung the day before her surgery

On Tuesday, 4/10 I learned that the lump on Ahnung's neck was a malignant, aggressive cancer. Last July my sweet girl was diagnosed with breast cancer. She had a lumpectomy and the surgeon and oncologist were optimistic based on pathology reports that her margins were good and that all the cancer was removed. I've been vigilant about checking Ahnung for lumps. I've tried my best to not worry that cancer would return. Ahnung had surgery on Friday, 4/13. She had surgery to aggressively remove the tumor along with deep margins. We are waiting for the results of her pathology report which will hopefully come in tomorrow (Wednesday). Waiting, and not knowing, is the hardest part for me. I know she has cancer .. what I don't know is what kind of cancer, the grade of the cancer, has it spread and what's her prognosis. It's been a roller coast of emotions for me since Tuesday. We are going to have a party on Sunday, 4/22 .. a Celebration of Life party for Ahnung. To learn more about her party check out her blog. She's been a gift not only to me but to so many others.

I found this native American prayer on the internet .... I have been reading this prayer every morning as I continue to prayer for Ahnung and for the strength and courage to be able to face and handle whatever is meant to be ...

Live Your Life

"So live your life so the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their views, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and of service to your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. Always give a word or sign of salute when meeting or passing a stranger if in a lonely place. Show respect to all people, but grovel to none. When you arise in the morning, give thanks for the light, for your life and strength. Give thanks for your food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies in yourself.

Touch not the poisonous firewater that makes wise ones turn to fools and robs them of their visions.

When your time comes to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home." ~ Tecumseh

The truth is, I'm struggling and can't find peace in the thought that I may lose my Ahnung. I'm struggling to be at peace with the unknown. I'm angry at the injustice of this all. My heart hurts and my mind takes me places where I need for it to not go. I'm scared and I am worried, and I am not able to handle this hurdle life has thrown at me with even a fraction of grace and dignity that Ahnung has. I'm waiting for that phone call so I will know what the pathology reports says .. but will it really make me feel better to know? What if it's the worse news possible? Can life really throw me any more curve balls? And if it so happens that a part of my soul is ripped from me, will I be able to rise from the ashes? There are days when the hurt in my heart is excruciating and almost unbearable. I know it will pass. Till then, and while I am blessed to have my Ahnung in my life, I will just hold her tightly.

Please keep Ahnung in your thoughts and prayers.