|Photo from Flickr|
So early Tuesday morning a good friend of mine will take me to the hospital and she will wait for me as I'm undergoing my heart procedure. I've been told the procedure will take anywhere from 2 to 6 hours. That if the electrical problems are coming from the right ventricle (as they suspect) that they will be able to identify the source soon after they enter my heart with the wire and they will burn that area of my heart. If they discover I have electrical problems in my left ventricle they will then have to go through my heart and it will take much longer, and it may also mean that there is some relation to the left ventricular noncompaction heart disease I have. My doctor also says on rare occasions the source of the problem is outside the heart and in that case he said they won't be able to fix the problem as they will be inside my heart, and that a follow-up procedure/surgery will have to take place.
I am hopeful that this procedure will take away the symptoms I've had for the past 2.5 months and that I will finally be able to sleep through the night. I am having to practice letting go .... really, truly letting go. It seems as if i'm having to practice letting go on multiple levels and the irony of it all, is that when I am able to let go and loosen my grip on wanting to try to control some outcome or some part of myself, that I am able to find myself, find peace and to feel more alive than ever.
"To be fully human, fully myself,
To accept all that I am, all that you envision,
This is my prayer.
Walk with me out to the rim of life,
Take me to the exquisite edge of courage
And release me to become."
~Sue Monk Kidd