Today, November 18th, is the one year anniversary of when I went up to Red Lake to pick up Ahnung. You can visit Ahnung's blog which I started in March of this year. In her first entry she shares a movie of her story.
I named her Ahnung (ah-NUNG) which means star in ojibway because I wanted her to have a name reflecting her roots and also because I knew my heart she would be not only be my north star, but the north star, for so many. I went back to my journals, and the day after we arrived back to the Twin Cities, i wrote the following:
"I believe Ahnung is going to be the star that will help guide me out of the darkness of my past. There is something about Ahnung. Her gentle spirit. Her motherly way. Her calm presence...."
Ahnung did just that and continues to be my star. I feel my father's spirit in her. A strong, calm, wise presence.
Today, I leave for the Philippines to see my mom. I am postponing some medical tests and procedures till after I return from my trip. It's important for me to go home and to see my mom. Yesterday I had hoped for good news with the ultrasound -- I had hoped that the lump that is growing in my breast would be fluid and a simple aspiration would take care of it. My gut told me it wasn't fluid. It's very much like the lump I had earlier this year that was removed surgically in May revealing pre-cancer cells. The ultrasound confirmed that it's not fluid. I will need to have surgery again. My body also continues to have problems digesting fat and nutrients. More tests when I return from the Philippines.
Yesterday was a day of mixed emotions for me. I struggled to balance a body that feels fatigued and weak with my desire to keep pushing hard with the work I do for Pet Haven .... I have to remember we have good days and we have bad days. Yesterday was a mix of both. As I prepare for my long journey to head home, I am grateful that it is on the one year anniversary of when I brought Ahnung home from Red Lake. She is my north star. I believe my father's spirit lives on through Ahnung ... that must be why when I look up in the skies and see the bright stars I know I am safe and I am not alone. The spirits of our loved ones remain with us forever ... they simply manifest and show themselves in many ways.
Here's what i say to my father: "Papa, you did good by picking Ahnung!"