Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Letting life's energy through
Last week I hit an all time low with my fatigue. I also made a very intentional decision to slow down. My body has been trying to tell me that for a long time, but my mind has resisted. It's amazing how our bodies are constantly trying to communicate with us ... and when we don't listen, at some point our bodies will scream loud enough. I saw my acupuncturist Jill last Wednesday after an absence of a few years. The eastern belief is that disease/illness is caused from a blockage of energy -- qi, the life energy/flow that sustains living beings. The energy in my body was being blocked. I believe the cells in my body were no longer getting the nutrients and energy they needed ... whether or not that's what caused the cells in my breast to go haywire and for me to now be diagnosed with "atypical hyperplasia" -- i don't know. And to be honest, it doesn't really matter to me at this moment. What matters to me is that I am heeding the wake up call of my body and I am slowing down to take care of myself.
Since last Wednesday I have seen my acupuncturist twice, made some dietary changes (granted, Jill tells me I don't have a lot to eliminate from my diet as I have a very healthy diet and lifestyle already -- i don't drink, i don't smoke, I gave up coffee 4 years ago, i'm vegetarian (and have been a vegetarian for over 20 years), no fast food/fried foods, minimal sweets, if any, i meditate and write every morning, i exercise ..). What I did give up is my daily vanilla soy steamer from Starbucks and the jelly on my spelt toast in the morning. No sugar, no soy (i've replaced tofu with beans), no more unsalted saltine crackers (as i'm giving up anything processed). Over the weekend I made a big batch of soup and boiled cabbage, carrots, leeks, lentil beans, broccoli, mushrooms, red peppers, cauliflower and added turmeric, ground black pepper, and garlic. Now ... my partner didn't think it was quite as scrumptuous as I did, but over some organic brown rice ... it has hit the spot for me this week!
In addition, i've continued to workout and have added yoga which has been so healing. Since Monday I've also started taking some chinese herbs. I noticed over the weekend my energy coming back during the day ... i still crashed at 7 pm. For the past few days though I have felt more energy than I have felt in a long time. I can't even begin to tell you how incredible it feels to feel alive again. I feel like the little boy on Marco Island this past December who was full of joy and life as he ran towards the ocean with his Santa hat on Christmas day! I feel very fortunate to have an incredible support network of friends and also healthcare practitioners, both the western practitioners and the eastern practitioners.
I close with a poem from one of my favorite poets, Mary Oliver " The Old Poets of China":
Wherever I am, the world comes after me.
It offers me its busyness. It does not believe
that I do not want it. Now I understand
why the old poets of China went so far and high
into the mountains, then crept into the pale mist.
This week I have journeyed into the mountains, and in the pale mist, I am finding my way home and letting life's energy through ...