An intentional pause

It's been a while since I wrote for my blog. An intentional pause. I have continued to write; to journal ... simply choosing to allow my new shape the space and the freedom to explore a new way of being in the world ... allowing the creation of something new to emerge in the sacred quiet of a more private landscape. The poet David Whyte beautifully articulates my intentional pause from blogging ..

"We live in a time of the dissected soul, the immediate disclosure; our thoughts, imaginings and longings exposed to the light too much, too early and too often, our best qualities squeezed too soon into a world already awash with too easily articulated ideas that oppress our sense of self and our sense of others. What is real is almost always to begin with, hidden, and does not want to be understood by the part of our mind that mistakenly thinks it knows what is happening. What is precious inside us does not care to be known by the mind in ways that diminish its presence ..."

I have been on an amazing journey ... an adventure, actually, of really getting to know myself, getting to know the wisdom of my body ... i began a journey of seeing and experiencing the world with an enhanced set of lens, an embodied set of lens. Wow ... it is like I see the world now in so many more colors; in so many more dimensions ... I have learned to embrace and welcome, in a new way, in a felt sense way, shifts and changes in my being as I reach and I am my most alive self.

This morning in meditation I feel it is time now to surface and emerge. How do I put into words, however, experiences where words can't suffice? For now, all I know are some words that speak to me and guide me  ... I invite you to reflect and see what opens up for you with the following ... I invite you to the rising of The Ahnung Way. Ahnung has been, and will continue to be, my north star.

• Spirit
• Truth
• Aliveness
• Resilience

One Heart. One Mind. One Drum.

Yesterday I returned to the trails I used to walk with Ahnung. I walked with the pup my sweet Ahnung led me to ... Ishkode. We walked and we walked and we walked. I was unaware of how far and how long we had walked till we got back to my car -- 3 hours later!! No wonder little Ishka's tongue was hanging out on the side and she was very thirsty! :)

I needed to take time to reflect and to pause and to listen. I needed to re-ground myself. Ahnung taught me so much about just Being .. about listening, observing and being aware of her surroundings. There was a Way about her -- a very wise Way. She is my rez dog and she has led me to my work with tribal nations. Over the past 4 years I have been immersed in working with the Leech Lake Band of Ojibwe in northern Minnesota. It has become Home to me on so many levels. I don't know where my life's journey will take me, but what I do know is that must never lose sight of my north star, my Ahnung. I have also come to embrace the Seven Sacred teachings, embraced and practiced by Anishinaabe people and indigenous people.

Humility • DibaaDenDizowin

Honesty • gwayakowaaDiziwin

Respect • manaaji’iwewin

Courage • zoonGiDe’ewin

Wisdom • nibwaakaawin

Truth • Debwewin

Love • zaaGi’iDiwin

There is so much beauty and wisdom in Indigenous Ways .... thank you Ahnung for being my guide and leading me to a people and a nation who have now become my people and my community. 

Ahnung ... I ask for you to continue to guide me and to teach me. 

"If you listen close at night, you will hear

the creatures of the dark, all of them sacred 

- the owls, the crickets, the frogs, 

the night birds - and you will hear beautiful songs, 

songs you have never heard before. 

Listen with your heart.

Never stop listening.”

~ Henry Quick Bear, LAKOTA

Celebrating The Ahnung Way ... Join us on August 10th!

Designed by Kel Miller

At 6:19 this morning I received an email from LLL volunteer and friend, Kel Miller ... "Something kept me awake all night and this is what I worked on. Do you like it?"

I was just sitting down to write and to reflect, as amazing things have been happening in the past few weeks. In February of this year, Ahnung (means 'star' in ojibwe) came to me in a dream, and in it was a clear image and a vision. I share more about it on a previous blog post. After that night the words 'The Ahnung Way' continue to appear over and over again. I reach out to Kel to help me bring to life what I am unable to wrap words around.

For the past week my dear friend Terri has been asking me to post information about a birthday party she wants to host for me. I told her I don't want a party for my birthday; i don't want the focus to be me. This morning before I receive the email from Kel, I realize this month (August) is significant for several reasons.

On August 7th, I will be turning 50 years old. On August 25th, it will be the 1 year anniversary of when Ahnung crossed over to the spirit world. Ahnung is the guiding star for Leech Lake Legacy. In May, 2011 I met Jenny Fitzer (the other co-founder of Leech Lake Legacy) for the first time. We both responded to a plea from Karen Good of Red Lake Reservation (who was also the elder who rescued Ahnung and led me to her) to help the animals of Leech Lake Reservation. In May, 2011 I also learned I had a rare heart condition (left ventricular non compaction). My health challenges began at the end of 2008 at the same time Ahnung appeared in my life and was in and out of hospitals with surgeries and various procedures. Ahnung walked alongside of me through all of my health challenges.

2011 marked a turning point in our shared journey. I learned I had a serious heart condition with poor prognosis. 2011 marked the beginning of Leech Lake Legacy. 2011 was also the year Ahnung was diagnosed with cancer. I remember laying in my hospital bed at Abbott Northwestern in May, 2011 after a heart procedure wondering if I should continue with efforts that were beginning at Leech Lake Reservation. I remember asking my cardiologist how much time ..... his words ... "there are so many unknowns about this heart condition. It could be a year, 2 years or 10 years."

With Ahnung by my side .. my north star, she continued to guide me and to teach me and to bring a community together through her Celebration of Life parties.

I believe Ahnung continues to guide me from the spirit world and 1 year after her passing, she is leading me to people I need to meet so that we can move onto the next phase of the journey she began. In the past few weeks I have connected with amazing women: Sarah Haberman, the founder of Modern Storytellers who then connected me to Louise Woehrle, an award winning film maker who produced Pride of Lions ... there is a story that needs to be told, and some how, Ahnung is guiding and connecting us. This past week I met Diana Webster, president of The Native America Humane Society .... and new doors are opening up for both of our organizations in amazing ways. Diana says it best in the closing of one of her emails to me, "Looking forward to a brilliant convergence!" It is truly as if the stars have all aligned, and somehow, some way, the month of August represents a new beginning and the birth of a new path, a new way ... for me, it is The Ahnung Way.

My dear friend Terri has planned a party for Sunday, August 10th ... she has called it a Birthday Open house for Marilou. I would like to change it to a gathering of friends to Celebrate new beginnings and remember and honor Ahnung as she continues to guide us from the spirit world and inspire The Ahnung Way. I honestly didn't think I would be around to celebrate 50 years! As I celebrate 50 years, I celebrate Ahnung who gave me the greatest gift by choosing me to walk with her while she was on earth for her short 5 years ... and for continuing to guide and teach me to listen and walk with her in a new way.

Here is what Terri shared on the Leech Lake Legacy volunteer group. She has been wanting me to share this :)

---------------------------------------------------
Sunday, August 10th, 2014
1:00 PM to 4:00 PM
Shelard Village Party Room (space sponsored by Mary Skelly-Gaffney)
400 Ford Road
St. Louis Park, MN 55426
Off of 169 & Shelard Pkwy/Betty Crocker
Please come and celebrate Marilou’s BIG
Birthday with us! The more the merrier!

RSVP thill3934@msn.com

I did tell Terri that I do NOT want gifts. If you would like to give something, I ask for you to consider a donation to Leech Lake Legacy. I am fundraising for LLL as a part of the Best Friends Strut your Mutt event on September 27th, and have a fundraising page set up:

http://www.strutyourmutt.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&participantID=22860

The Ahnung Way ....

It's been 6.5 months now since my sweet Ahnung crossed over into the spirit world. My heart still aches for her and often I find myself hoping I will wake up, and this will all just be a bad dream .... and she will be there right next to me, or I will hear a big thump as she throws herself down on the floor to sleep, or  we will be taking one of our long leisurely walks. I feel her presence with me every moment. I feel her guiding me from the spirit world, and yes, she continues to send me signs and messages. She led me to Ishkode and the little fireball girl continues to make me laugh and smile with all her antics and mischief. I have no doubt Ahnung gifted Legacy with Ishkode ... as the two of them are as bonded as Legacy and Ahnung were .. only this time, Legacy is the big brother guiding his little sister in the same way Ahnung guided him.

A few weeks ago, Ahnung appeared in my dream. This was only the second time she has appeared in my dreams since she left the physical world on August 25, 2013. I shared the following on my Facebook page on Feb. 20th:

"I am sure it's not a coincidence that the morning after Ahnung appeared to me in my dreams, in what was so real and vision like, that I got a call from Purina to meet with leaders of animal welfare organizations in St. Louis. In 1968, when I was 4 our family traveled across the world from Thailand to Barnes Hospital in St. Louis in hopes doctors could save his life. He crossed into the spirit world on December 20, 1968. I returned to St. Louis in 1980 when we moved to the U.S. for our education and lived in St. Louis for ~ 16 years. Purina, in their efforts to build a coalition in Missouri 'found' me ... I have no doubt my Papa and Ahnung had something to do with it. Here is what I posted on the dream I had the night before I received the call: "And last night, Ahnung (for the second time since her spirit crossed over on August 25, 2013) appeared in my dream and she showed me a new way, a new vision. I am not a visual artist, and I woke up with an image so vivid, so clear ... a circle with with people of all colors, races, ages .. of animals, of trees, of rocks .. and at the center was a fire and flame that reached up into the skies; and with us were stars, a squirrel, an eagle and a turtle. And I could hear drums. It was as if I could hear the heart of the earth beating. I could hear Ahnung's heart. I could hear my heart, everyone's heart. We were one heart .. and then I woke up" So I reach out to the stars ... to Ahnung and to my Papa, for guidance, as I travel back to St. Louis next week. My life is not my life ... and my work on earth must not be done."

The vision remains so clear and vivid. I have been unable to erase the image from my mind and from my heart. And over the past few weeks, the words "The Ahnung Way" keeps appearing. Since my speaking engagement in St. Louis I have been asked to present at two different events.

I hear Ahnung telling me I have more work to do, and that my work goes far beyond animals ...  I hear Ahnung telling me to listen and to open up my eyes, my senses, my heart to the expanse of something so much greater; not to limit my world and energy to the world of animal welfare, and to not even limit it to this physical world. There are many bridges that connect all of us in this world, and there is a bridge that also connects us to those who have crossed over into the spirit world.

I live my life guided by a We Believe statement that I wrote at the end of 2008 shortly after Ahnung came into my life. The We Believe credo, was slightly modified and became the Leech Lake Legacy We Believe Credo. The We Believe credo is what guides the work of Leech Lake Legacy ... it is what guides my life, and it is what I believe is The Ahnung Way.

• We believe we all belong -- that our lives have purpose and meaning -- and that our footprints will be forever etched in the hearts of some living being, some cause, some dream.

• We believe a spirit of fire and a flame of passion reside within each and every one of us.

• We believe our journey is a never-ending question, embracing twists, turns and hills with child-like curiosity and playful adventure.

• We believe in the power of creativity and stories to open hearts, touch souls and inspire committed action.

• We believe in community. That connection begins with conversation, respect, active listening and an open, non-judgmental heart.

• We believe every voice matters.

• We believe in the healing and transformative energy of animals to build a bridge for a kinder, gentler and more compassionate world.

• We believe reservation animals challenge us, teach us and guide us to our deepest sense of Home.

Ahnung is asking me to walk a new path .... The Ahnung Way. Yesterday, I reserved the domain www.TheAhnungWay.com. I don't know exactly where this path will lead me, but I know that the vision she brought to me a few weeks ago is something I cannot ignore ... 

" .... a circle with with people of all colors, races, ages .. of animals, of trees, of rocks .. and at the center was a fire and flame that reached up into the skies; and with us were stars, a squirrel, an eagle and a turtle. And I could hear drums. It was as if I could hear the heart of the earth beating. I could hear Ahnung's heart. I could hear my heart, everyone's heart. We were one heart .. and then I woke up ..."

I will share more as this journey evolves and Ahnung continues to guide me from the spirit world. 

With my Papa