On my drive home from the Animal Humane Society around 5 pm
last night I was hit with a blast of fatigue. We were having a day of warmth in
Minnesota … temperatures in the 30s versus the sub-zero temperatures we’ve been
having, and are due to have again today. It was also snowing and the roads were
getting slick. As I sat at the stoplight on highway 55 waiting to turn left
onto highway 100 south, fatigue hit me surprisingly. I remember thinking
momentarily, I need to just close my eyes for a minute. Then I shook my head,
turned up the radio and rolled my window for a blast of cold air to wake me up.
I could also feel a heaviness in my heart, a physical heaviness. It’s been 2.5
years since my diagnosis with left
ventricular non compaction, a rare heart disease .. no cure, not much known,
and ‘the main target of treatment is prevention of heart failure and
thromboembolic events.’ Just a couple weeks ago, I received a pamphlet in the
mail from my health insurance company titled ‘Managing heart failure.’ Last
night, I wondered for a moment, ‘is it my heart?’ And returned to the moment of
staying awake and directing everything I had to driving in congested traffic
and snowy conditions.
I made it home and after taking care of the pups, found
myself on the couch unable to function. I just wanted to sleep. It was as if
someone had given me a shot of anesthesia to knock me out.
I woke up early this morning to another vivid dream. I had a
dream of a mother deer and her 2 baby fawns. I was in a forest and they were
keeping a distance from me; something had scared them and the mother deer
skipped off, into the woods followed by her babies. But then they stopped, and
their eyes were fixated on me. Seconds later, the mother deer galloped towards
me. I feared for a moment she was coming directly towards me. She ran past me,
barely missing me, and off into the woods again. It was clear she had no
intention of harming me – she simply wanted to get my attention. Her 2 fawns
followed her, but they stopped. One of them came up to me. The baby fawn turned
into a wolf …. She came up to me, pawing at me. I was mesmerized I was
interacting with a ‘wild’ animal. And then I woke up from my dream.
The vivid nature of the dream caught my attention this
morning. I could feel Ahnung’s presence. She’s communicating with me from the
spirit world. Listen Marilou. Listen.
 |
| Karl waiting for treats! |
Is it a coincidence that I experienced debilitating fatigue
after leaving AHS where I was meeting my friends Barbara and Sharon who are
going to foster and provide hospice care to Karl, a 5 year old big black dog
from Leech Lake Reservation, who was diagnosed with heart failure? Is it a
coincidence that just yesterday, I finally got my estate planning in order to
ensure the legacy I want to leave behind is all in place and I sent an email
with directions on what needs to take place to the Leech Lake Legacy board?
Ahnung lived her life with purpose and intention. She guided
me when she was here in physical form. She continues to guide me from the
spirit world. I don’t know where my path is going to lead me … or how much more
time I will be blessed to have walking this amazing planet. I have been able to
put my diagnosis of ‘heart failure’ in the background for the past months.
Maybe Ahnung is trying to remind me to bring it back to the forefront … to at
least be aware of it .. to notice …. to listen. Maybe she brought Karl? Maybe
her spirit is sprinkled in Karl, a gentle giant who showed us yesterday when we
picked him up, that he is VERY treat motivated, and will even shake for treats
… hmmm, that was a special Ahnung trick too!
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