A new theme has been appearing in my life -- Play. I have been doing everything I possibly can to take care of myself ... or so I thought, with nutrition, seeing doctors, acupuncturist, naturopaths, specialists, energy healers, therapists. In the summer of 2008 I saw an astrologer. I've never had my natal chart read. That summer I also had a "persistent cough" -doctors again couldn't figure out what was causing my persistent cough. After a couple months and a narcotic that gave me relief, the cough went away. It was winter of 2008 when my weight loss began. It was that winter that I also released myself from a deep, dark childhood secret. It was that winter when Ahnung came into my life.
Last week while at Chuck & Don's Petfood Outlet, Ahnung had an unusual outburst. It was almost like she was being a "bad girl" and wanted to get into trouble. She kept grabbing toys and treats at the store and while I was talking to someone even figured out how to get loose from her collar, and next thing I know she's running around the store! Playful, spirited! I had never seen her "act out" like that as she is a very calm girl with calculated spurts of spunkiness. I had to smile at her. I couldn't even get mad at her because it was a joyful, playful side of her I had never seen -- a side that said to me "I am not perfect. I can get in trouble too!" The next day I saw my energy healer, she also talked about the importance of playing. I then shared Ahnung's little outburst. She said, "I think Ahnung is modeling for you what you need to do."
Then on Friday I saw my astrologer. The first words out of her mouth (and without me sharing anything about what has transpired in the past two years) are "Pluto is opposite Mars ... Mars is in Cancer which rules the breast and the digestive system." My heart stops. "Pluto is opposite Mars which often can mean surgery. Last year Pluto opposed Venus." I share with her my current health challenges. She says "these issues began a couple years ago when Pluto opposed Venus. Right now Pluto is going through the 5th house (the natural house of Leo) which is about feeling innocent, playful, entitled." She pauses. "Pluto and Mars can be death planets." She looks me in the eyes and gently but firmly says, "you better learn to play to save your life." I felt something in my gut. For some reason I wanted to cry. She says, "Play, because your life depends on it." For a couple months something has been tugging at me to set up a session with Pat (astrologer). I didn't know why except it kept cropping up. Finally, I picked up the phone, called her and made an appointment. I said to her, "I have had this feeling that I just need to see you. I don't know why, so here I am calling you." She goes on to say that I have been giving, giving and giving. She said I understand the "great need" of the world and it shows in all the volunteer work I do with animals and now with youth. "You have reached the end of the rope. Your body has reached the end of the rope. You have to start putting yourself into the equation" and again she says "Play ... because your life depends on it."
I shared with her how scuba diving makes me feel so at peace. The conversation led to dolphins and the important role they have played in my life since I have come to the States. I've participated in 4 Earthwatch expeditions of which three of them have involved studying wild dolphins and simply being in their presence. I have dreamed about being in the water with a wild and free dolphin. I recently had a dream about swimming with a dolphin. The next morning I woke up with the first thought being "Play -- because your life depends on it." I didn't play as a kid. I didn't know how to. My current life is all about helping others ... I realized that if I don't figure out how to find balance I won't be around. The very next day my partner and I booked a trip ... we are going on a week long retreat with WildQuest and will have the opportunity to connect with wild and free dolphins in Bimini. A dream come true. From the dolphins I hope to learn how to play ... for many, play comes easily and naturally. For me, it's probably one of the hardest things. Pat is right though ... I am at the end of my rope. I must learn to play to save my life.
Top photo from here. Bottom right photo from here.