Yesterday, October 1, 2019 I celebrated 31 years of sobriety. I owe my life to a
puppy. A puppy I named Splat (i was playing competitive racquetball at the
time, and 'splat' was my favorite shot). I had fallen 'off the wagon'. I was in
so much emotional pain and wanted to numb myself from the pain so I started
drinking after one previous attempt to get sober. I drank and I drank and I
drank. My Papa must have known that the only way to get through to his baby
girl was to bring her a puppy, so he led me to this little girl, the runt of
the litter. I remember meeting this woman in Chesterfield, Missouri at my mom's
house. She was selling her puppies for $100. There were six cocker spaniel
puppies. All were running around and rolling over each other, chasing each
other, except for this one black cocker spaniel puppy ... she found her way to
me and climbed onto my legs as I was seated cross legged on the grass, and
curled up and went to sleep. I looked at the woman and said, 'this one. I want
this one.' Splat was my first dog. After i had written the check and sent the
woman off I thought to myself, what the heck have I done?! I have never had a
puppy! I don't know what to do. This little tiny being needs me. I felt this
huge responsibility to care for this being. I realized I had to get myself
together ... get my life back together. So on October 1, 1988, I walked back in
to an AA meeting after 2 years off the wagon. I chose life. I chose Splat. I
chose a new path. And something inside me knew that this time around it would
be different because i had an angel my Papa sent to me, a furry 4-legged
precious being ... and my sweet little princess was my heart. She saved my
life. Thanks to her, and my Papa, I am alive today and I am celebrating 31
years of sobriety and life.
I lost my beloved Splat very suddenly (and what I now
believe to have been a hate crime) on July 20, 2000, shortly after I moved to
Minnesota. I share more about this on a blog post I wrote in 2010 (her 10 year
anniversary) ... I also share more about how she (and Ahnung), through my
dreams, opened the door for me to begin my healing around the sexual abuse ...
from my blog: ".... Interestingly, Splat (whom I named after a racquetball
shot as I playing a lot of racquetball at the time) appeared in my dreams a
couple summers ago .. in fact, it was a nightmare, but it was her way to tell
me I was getting ready to begin a journey of some major healing ... and she was
right. For a writing class i'm taking at The Loft I chose to write about the
healing and transformation I have gone through in dealing with past sexual
abuse. My piece opens with the dream I had where Splat appears in July, 2008.
The piece ends with a dream I recently had (July, 2010) where my dog Ahnung
appears and she takes my flying!! It was my dog Splat, who's been dead for 10
years, who opened up a door I've sealed shut for decades - the secret of abuse
- and it's now my dog Ahnung who is helping me move through it .... I think God
knows that the angels I need come in the form of furry four-legged beings
:)" ...
Thank you Splat and Ahnung for working together over the
decades to help me heal. I know you are both still with me, along with
Shen, Shadow, Missy and Mister guiding me along in my life's journey. Together,
we celebrate 31 years of sobriety!!
