Gratitude

I have a lot to be grateful for this Thanksgiving. So much has transpired in my life this past week ... too much to even share in this blog posting and to be honest I am needing time to process and simply sit and be with all that has happened. What I do know is that I am extremely grateful to be alive and to have the most incredible friends. I am grateful for my dogs who are healing magic to me ... I look to my dog Ahnung who has and will continue to be my northstar as I maneuver my way through the next step in my life's journey.

A few days ago a good friend of mine shared the following poem with me. We are all walking our journey of life ... I have been afraid to step into some deep old hurts and pains ... hurts so deep that I had convinced myself they weren't there yet I know in my gut that they have manifested in the health issues I have been struggling with over the past year and a half. Next week I have my appointment at Mayo to discuss options around the cancer/precancer in my breast and the following week meet with a pancreatic specialist.

To add to all of this I learned the other day that I have an infection ... abnormally high red blood cells (and white blood cells) in my urine. I had another test done yesterday and will hopefully get results back tomorrow. The internist tells me ... it could have something to do with my gall bladder or kidneys. Sounds like I may have more tests and procedures to go through. The internist is most concerned about the abnormally high levels of red blood cells.

The Journey

by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice--

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

"Mend my life!"

each voice cried.

But you didn't stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do--

determined to save

the only life you could save.