|Photo from Flickr|
So next step is a cardiac MRI and a meeting with an electrophysiologist. She tells me that sometimes what causes electrical problems in the heart is scar tissue or damage to heart muscle tissue. They will be able to see that with the cardiac MRI. If they find an area that is damaged that may be interfering with the electrical current and flow in my heart they will do what's called an ablation and remove the damaged/abnormal tissue. She mentions a medication that is sometimes used but in my case it won't work as I have a low resting heart rate and this medication often lowers one's heart rate. She did give me the go ahead to proceed with with the breast MRI guided biopsy so I have that re-scheduled for Monday afternoon. By next Wednesday i'm hoping i'll have the results from the pathology report and will know what the next steps are concerning the lesions in my breast.
|My precious Ahnung|
For the most part I think i've been handling the stress of all these health issues pretty well ... yesterday while meeting with my therapist I broke down though and cried. I guess it's more scary that i've been willing to admit. Even before I knew I had heart problems I started having sleep problems -- waking up every hour or hour and a half throughout the night. I didn't know what was causing it and brushed it off to worry or "something." In some ways it helps to know it's the palpitations in my heart that are waking me up. It's been about 2 and a half weeks now since i've had sleep problems. The symptoms get worse at night. Often times I feel like my heart is going to pop out of my chest. I lay in bed at night and I wonder how i will know if it's time to call 911 or take myself to the emergency room. Can I just sleep it off? I've learned to live with the symptoms ... they're tolerable and don't stop me from functioning and going about my day. My cardiologist has a stethoscope next to my chest. She asks "do you feel it?" I say "yes." She nods to affirm that she can hear the irregular heart beat. It's persistent and constant now. I wake up every morning now with an immense sense of gratitude for the gift of another day. As nights of restless and interrupted sleep string together I do find myself getting even more tired and fatigued. I find myself not feeling as brave and able to take on all that life has thrown my way ... but in my darkest moments, I always look to my precious dogs and I smile. I will continue to fight and I will continue to trust in God.
As I continue to prepare for more medical tests and procedures and waiting, I found myself reading one of my favorite quotes over and over this morning:
"I want to ask you, as clearly as I can, to bear with patience, all that is unresolved in your heart, and to try to love the questions themselves, as if they were rooms yet to enter, or books written in a foreign language. Don't dig for answers that can't be given you yet: you cannot live them now. For everything must be lived. Live the questions now, perhaps then, someday, you will gradually without noticing, live into the answer."