In the past mammograms and ultrasounds have all been negative, showing nothing. I am grateful for my surgeon who noticed a suspicious lump and insisted on removing the entire lump and surrounding tissue. Only by looking down to the cellular level were they able to find that my cells had started changing and going awry and becoming more like cancer cells. But the lumps were removed before crossing that line of cancer .... this last go around, I was still lucky ... closer to the line (borderline DCIS) but nonetheless, still on the other side.
So this go around ... will I be as "lucky?"
I've been struggling in my mind to make room for whatever is to become ... and I was reminded of this beautiful poem by Rumi, The Guest House. It will become a part of my daily meditation and prayer.
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning has a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
It feels like my "house" is being re-arranged right now .... for many different reasons. I have a new guest knocking on my door right now. At times I want to slam the door shut on this guest. One way or another these guests will make themselves at home .... it's up to me to welcome them in so we can find a place for them and so we can live in harmony.